ramblings of a broken heart

friends only

Lone goddess of love...
I read old entries and I'm saddened by how depressed I once was. Those feelings were real. I didn't show it much in my face or actions, but you could definitely read it. Writing was therapy, still is... To see how far I've come emotionally is beyond me.  Happy most of the time and when I'm not, I'm neutral. I've found true love.. It was within me this whole time. I've come to terms that I may never have the perfect significant other, I may never have kids... I may never even be in another romantic relationship. It makes me stronger. I'm strong enough to do the rest of this life thing on my own. Never ruling out any possibilities... I just know myself now and I know what I want and deserve... Settling is NOT an option, even if it means facing the world alone. I'm my favorite person, so alone time is never a bad time. I'll spend the rest of my life traveling the world and spreading love.. To me, that's a life fulfilled. Authentic happiness is what they call it.

i can't help but visualize..
i can't help but visualize my soulmate. when i envision him it isn't quite clear... and this may sound a bit weird but there are 2 men that come to mind. both are happily married with beautiful families. this does NOT mean that i want to be with these men, it means that i admire them and i'd like for my future partner to have similar qualities. 

both are God-fearing, spiritual, professional, enlightened, educated, handsome, positive, beautiful men. i'm truly blessed to have them as friends, period. their wives are just as amazing as them... also beautiful, professional and successful women... the kind of women i aspire to be like. not just because they've attracted the perfect men for themselves... but because they exude the essence of a strong woman... of beauty.. of resilience.. of love. i don't really know them as well as i know their husbands, but i know their husbands well enough to know that they'd never settle for anything less than GODLY.

i'm working on being more godly... i've come a long way already and I think i'm getting closer and closer to fulfilling my destiny... even though i'm not sure exactly what that is.  i just have to stay focused... listen to my intuition, its god talking to me.

my outlook and feelings about love, soulmates, men, relationships have changed immensely throughout the years but the most important thing is that i still believe in love. what i want and believe i deserve seems out of this world... but god knows and will guide me where i'm meant to be and with whom i'm meant to be... even if its just with self.

...ramblings of a hopeless romantic.

Excuse the Negativity
I am highly irratable and annoyed these days. I just want everything to go my way and everyone to think like I think... Is that too much to ask for? LOL.

So anyway.. today I'll put the negativity up on a shelf since its my birthday.

27 years. whoa.

HUNDREDS of birthday wishes... wow that is something quite powerful.. All that positive energy transferred to me.

Today... I am grateful.

I give thanks.

new blog

i might still keep this live journal for more personal entries...

a new blog
i've had this online journal for some years now... since '01 i believe. i think its time to switch it up. maybe i'll still keep this.. but i think i'm going to start a wordpress or blogger... maybe tumblr.. wonder which one is best? i'm having an amazing time in this city.. 916 city of trees. who woulda thought? the new blog will document some of my experiences.

peace and love livejournal.. we've had our ups and downs but you were always there. a bittersweet ending to a 8 year relationship.

-ninadaqueena aka MissChief916

its taking forever to get the FINAL flyer done because so many changes are taking place.. please forgive me for the delay of the final flyer..

This is also a fundraiser for the Typhoon Relief in the Philippines where several Philippine citizens have died and lots more are left homeless. Among some of those victims are my own family. Please join me in celebrating my bday as well as raising money for this cause. We are holding a paper drive for a local Homeless Shelter Sacramento Loaves & Fishes, a wonderful organization in need of paper products (please see flyer).

He is currently being added to the new flyer.. Please come out, enjoy good music from some of the best emcees & DJ's in CALI.. celebrate my bday with me... and help the cause! please hit me up if you need more info... nrebultan@yahoo.com

bday new

*please see previous post for M1's article...

so my girl tish couldn't make the event last night... and she hit me up early in the morning on outlook and i responded...

From: Flores, Tisha
Sent: Thursday, September 24, 2009 8:25 AM
To: Rebultan, Nina R.
Subject: 9/23

So tell me how it went down yesterday. How was the turn out?

From: Rebultan, Nina R.
To: "Flores, Tisha"
Subject: RE: 9/23
Date: Thursday, September 24, 2009 9:09:00 AM

The turnout was great. We had over 70 in attendance... the music ran kinda long bit it was alright (great music). The lecture was amazing. He brought us through his experience of his 24 hours in GAZA and it felt like we were there with him. He spoke about some Palestinian rappers he connected with and how he visited the "ghetto". He also talked about the struggles as he did in the article he wrote. It was definitely an eye-opening experience to what is happening in the world we live in. I was totally inspired as was everyone in the audience. If there is a negative, there was one girl who was intoxicated and almost interrupted M1's lecture but that was quickly taken care of, so it wasn't that big of a deal.

The whole event in general was so awesome. The open mic portion came first because M1 came kinda late but it turned out perfect. There actually were no wack rappers on the mic!! We also had some very talented spoken word artists who performed pieces on relevant issues of the night as well as uncensored poems that got the crowd excited, haha! Everyone had a good time. I had an AMAZING time... even though I was trippin at first about the organization... I knew deep down inside everything would turn out fine, and it turned out BETTER than fine. It was nothing but love the whole night. My homie BONES dedicated a song for me and its an amazing song, I felt so much love... people were giving me props for bringing him there, when he came on his own! I met some amazing individuals and connected with them on that HIP HOP tip. An OG Congress Board Member gave me a big bear hug and said thanks for everything I do and told me that I was what they've needed for a long time. I actually got to talk to DLabrie and connect with him. Lots of people gave me props in the best way and their words touched my heart... I was humbled. There was so much great energy and positivity all around the WHOLE night. I didn't get home till almost 4am and I only got like 2 hrs sleep but it was SO worth it.

Wish you coulda gone girl. It really was magnificent...



**i know i haven't been updating... been on my grind!! ALL is well! but i'm still mourning about Raida.. =(


busy days n nights.
to random people who just come across my blog. i've had this blog for YEARS. and its not your typical one.. its mainly for myself and perhaps those who know me well. i don't post shit for the masses so don't come here and expect to read about celebrity gossip, new album/single release articles, artist cover stories or all that jazz.. there are enough dope bloggers that cover that on the internet. this little live journal is a place for me to vent, share my thoughts, talk about my day/week, and just type away... (i sometimes have a tendency to ramble)... so lets ramble on...

its been non-stop for me this whole weekend.. if you've been following on twitter you know. instead of typing in detail let me just show you what my past couple days have been like:

WED: work all day, meeting right after, hilltop (local bar) w/ some congress folks
THURS: work all day, passion party @ night (helped out a friend consultant)
FRI: work all day, chilled w/ a new friend, dinner w/ old co-workers, ab rude/busdriver show @ bluelamp
SAT: hiphop congress BBQ, capitol garage benefit hiphop show
SUN: (TODAY) grind for the green solar panel hiphop show in the bay w/ dead prez & mistah fab

so.. time to get ready.. just thought i'd share my fabulous life with ya'll... details n pics (perhaps) to come.

i am feeling this song at the moment.

This Too Shall Pass - India Arie

"This Too Shall Pass"
-India Arie

I achieved so much in life
But I’m an amateur in love
My bank account is doing just fine
But my emotions are bankrupt

My body is nice and strong
But my heart is in a million pieces
When the sun is shining so am I
But when the night falls so does my tears

Sometimes the beatings so loud in my heart
That I can barely tell our voices apart
Sometimes the fear is so loud in my head
That I can barely hear what God says

Then I hear a whisper that this too shall pass
I hear the angel’s whisper that this too shall pass
My ancestors whisper that this day one day will be the past
So I walk in faith that this too shall pass

The one that loved me the most
Turned around and hurt me the worse
I’m doing my best to move on
But the pain just keeps singing me songs

My head and my heart are at war
Cause love ain't happening the way I wanted
Feel like I’m about to break down
Can’t hear the light at the end of the tunnel

So I pray for healing in my heart
To be put back together what is torn apart
And I pray for quiet in my head
That I can hear clearly what God says

Then I hear the whisper that this too shall pass
I hear the Angels whisper that this too shall pass
My ancestors whisper that this day will one day be the past
So I walk in faith that this too shall pass

All of sudden I realize
That it only hurts worse to fight it
So I embrace my shadow
And hold on to the morning light

This Too Shall Pass
This Too Shall Pass
This Too Shall Pass
This Too Shall Pass
This Too Shall Pass
This Too Shall Pass
I hear the angels whisper
that trouble don't have to last always
I hear the angels whisper
Even the day after tomorrow will one day be yesterday.
I hear my angels whisper.
I hear my angels whisper.
This too shall pass.


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